Proximity

I once heard a pastor give a sermon called “Proximity Matters”. He wasn’t wrong. I have thought a lot about it since then. For me, church is about the sermon. This one stuck. I don’t know where he is now or what he’s up to. I’m pretty sure he’s not reading a blog meant for my two boys. But if by some chance he is, Pastor Todd, you done good.

The gist of the sermon had two points and a message about Christianity at the end. I’m not covering the churchy part. That’s his job. My job is to raise you two boys to be decent human beings that people are happy to know and be around. In that regard, the message holds true.

The first part is that what and who you choose to spend your time around, the people in places in your proximity, will have a large impact on your life. You stand a better chance of doing well in school if you hang around people to whom grades and academics matter. The same goes for what you do with your time outside of class. Do you go to the library to research subjects? Do you go in early or stay late at school to get extra help? And for the record, hanging around outside of school with the kids who skip class to vape doesn’t count. Though technically you’re in the proximity of the school it’s not going to work. I can tell you from experience as well that having your textbooks near you doesn’t get it done. You have to open and read them occasionally. As much as learning by osmosis would be great it doesn’t work. If I had spent as much time actually studying as I did finding creative ways to not do my homework I would have done much better in school. But getting back to my point, the people and things in your orbit influence you far more than you will ever understand. They also send a message to the world as it sees you. If you hang out with trouble then you’ll find yourself in it a lot. If you spend your time and energy on negative and pessimistic people you will be less likely to be happy. Those two qualities have their uses. They can also drain you of happiness fast. Be careful what kind of people you choose to be around not just for their actions and interests but for their attitudes as well.

That’s the second point. What you put out there influences people in your proximity. What kind of impact do you have on the people around you? Are you fun to be around? Do you make those you care about feel happy and good about themselves? Or are you overly critical and negative? Honest and sincere people are great to be around, even when they are critical at times. That criticism that they give generally is constructive and meant to help improve, not demean or belittle. There is a great poem by Ella Wheeler Wilcox called “Solitude”. I read it many years ago and I’ll never forget it. There’s a lot in it about how we deal with having or not having good people in our lives. The beginning alone says a lot:

“Laugh, and the world laughs with you;

Weep, and you weep alone;

For the sad old earth must borrow it’s mirth,

But has trouble enough of it’s own.”

It’s not wrong. We want to be happy. Happy, positive people are far better to be around. So, the question becomes what kind of person are you going to be for the people around you? That is something only you can figure out and it takes years of trial and error to land on. I hope that you boys become the kind of men that inspire and lift up those around you while being true to yourselves and your own nature. It’s not always easy. But it’s not as hard as it sounds either. The world has enough asshats. It’s not full of them, like many people will tell you. It just doesn’t take that many to make it feel that way. Don’t be one of those. Be you, in your own way and it will probably work out just fine. You don’t have to be famous or rich to have an impact on those around you. There is something incredibly rewarding about leading a George Bailey kind of life.

And if you don’t know who he is we can watch that movie together. It lives up to it’s title.