Failure

It may seem counter-intuitive but one of the things I wish for you in life is failure. Not exactly the fatherly message you were expecting? Fair enough. Let me explain.

I’ve had both in my life. Sometimes extreme versions of them. I have learned lessons from both that I will never forget. I can tell you this from experience, I have learned far more from failure than I could ever learn from success. The worst job I ever had taught me the most about work. The worst people I ever had to deal with showed me the value of patience and the false comfort of anger. Failing at something I thought I was ready for taught me what preparation should look like. I could go on and on.

Success feels like it should teach you more. No one needs to tell you that it’s sure as heck a lot easier to enjoy. It’s far more fun to walk off the field with your arms held high, hoisting a trophy over your head than it is to watch the other guy do it. But no one ever got better carrying a trophy.

See, there’s a character building moment in failure that success rarely affords you. It stings. If you win a Super Bowl you get to tell the world you’re going to Disney World. But it’s what you do when you lose that will define you far more as a human being than winning a ring. Do you lash out? Do you blame others? Do you quit? Or do you look inside yourself, see your own mistakes and shortcomings and work to get better? The first three are a lot easier. The last one is hard. I’m not gonna lie, it’s difficult when you’re fresh from defeat and tell yourself that you could have been better. That’s hard. But the best people, not just successful people, find something in that to make themselves better. You must fail if you are to persevere. People admire perseverance. Mostly because quitting comes easy and everyone, deep down, knows it. There is no one who understands success like people who have failed, worked and then achieved. If climbing Everest was easy then everyone would do it. And let’s be honest, people who have never failed at anything probably never tried anything hard either. As the saying goes, boats are safe in snug harbors, but that’s not where boats were meant to be.

So yes, in the strangest sounding way, I hope you fail at something. Especially if it’s something you care about. It will teach you that trying and failing is okay and that failure isn’t permanent. Rewards rarely come without risk and risk is a fickle bastard. It can treat you like a king or a peasant. Failing will also show you that success after hard work feels better than just about anything that you can imagine. To use a baseball analogy, everyone sees the home runs. Few see the hundreds of swings in practice that led to it. They can enjoy the homer but they won’t feel it deep in their bones like you do, watching the ball sail away into the sky.

You will have times when you want to quit. You will be tired, sore, sad or fed up. There may even be times you feel broken. You might say “I quit” out loud. You will experience frustration, sometimes to the point where you want to scream. The more you want something the more it hurts. But your character is built by getting back up after being knocked down. Sometimes it takes a little while. It may seem terrible of me to hope that you experience that in some way. Trust me, it will be just as hard seeing you go through it. However, in the short time I have known you boys I have seen the strength in you. I have seen you try, fail and try again and succeed. I have watched you cheer each other on in sports and in life. Even at your young ages I have seen a character in you that shows me glimpses of what kind of men you will grow up to be.

And I could not be more proud.